Warhammer Info - Mailbag - Mailbag #2
HI, BEN PLAYING THE GAME FOR A LONG TIME NOW, AND WHEN U SORTED THAT PROBLEM OUT ABOUT THE TIMES ON IT, WELL I UNSTALLED THE GAME CAUSE I DID'NT READ THE FORUMS, BUT I HAVE BEEN INSTALLING THE GAME NOW FOR 3DAYS AND NIGHTS NOW, IS THERE ANY WAY U COULD TELL ME WAT I HAVE DONT WRONG CAUSE IM SURE ITS NOT MENT TO TAKE THIS LONG, AND I DOWNLOADED THAT THING ON HAT WEBSITE GAMESPOT AND I BOUGHT THIS GAME FROM U
When that monstrosity arrived in my Inbox, I was kind of confused. What game? And what is a hat website? Can I buy hats there? I want a hat website. I was just going to dismiss the email, but then the cat came back the very next day:
hi, sent u an e-mail yesterday and you not yet replyed maybe i put in the wrong e-mal address in, the problem is i unstalled the game when u sorted out the timezone problem, now i am re-installing it and i down load patch 2 off gamespot again and ran that put the game is still patching, ive left it patching since sunday and it is now wednesday is there any chance u could help me sort this out? cause not played now for 3 days and would like to play. thank you
At this point, I knew it was war, so I put on my favorite pair of socks and went to work. If he insisted on sending me incoherent emails, I would gladly return fire.
Greetings,
My name is Michael Rotch and I have reviewed your case. You are correct in assuming that it should not take 3 days to patch and install the game. We think that your game disc may have a rare defect known as "Zombietosis".
In order to be certain that the problem is in fact zombietosis, you will need to wait until the next full moon. At 2AM the night of the full moon, bring your game disc outside and look at the reflection of the underside of the disc in the moonlight. If you see walking corpses looking to consume brains in the reflection, yep, your disc is suffering from zombietosis. It must be excorcised immediately. Note: Take special care when inspecting game discs for zombietosis - if you gaze at the reflected zombies for too long it could cause retina damage or allow them to SWALLOW YOUR SOUL.
Performing an excorcism on your game disc is not a trivial task and can be risky - ask your doctor if excorcising game discs with Zombietosis is right for you. Side effects include nausea, diarrhea, and an annoying urge to eat lots of Cheetos.
To perform an excorcism on your game disc, you will need the following items: a fold-up lawnchair, a hammer, nails, a pineapple, and a Grilled Stuft Burrito from Taco Bell. On a sunny day, fold out your lawn chair and put your game disc on it, as if it were sitting. Don't worry, it doesn't matter if your game disc is face up or face down. Next, drive the nails into the pineapple with the hammer. If you get hungry during this process, eat the Grilled Stuft Burrito.
Once you have completed the above, pick up the pineapple and dance around. If you prefer, you may dance to music. "Spice World" by the Spice Girls is always a good choice for this undertaking. Continue dancing for about 5 minutes (or the duration of your selected song).
Congratulations, you should now have a pure game disc!
If the above completely fails as I predict it might, I reccommend pursuing further help at http://www.zombo.com/, where the only limit is yourself, although you are free to write back to me if you so wish.
Best of luck,
Michael Rotch
Man, I hope he writes back. Hopefully he'll attach some pictures.